Many different moments in our personal history play important role in shaping our future. Human beings are formed by experiences they go through, or more correcttly, by their own interpretation of those experiences. Unpleasant experiences often turn themselves into traumas, in case we decide that what we experience is too heavy for us to be able to fully confront it. A traumatic experience then becomes a defense mechanism, but also a limiting element of our living (see article Traumatic Experience  - Structure, Source, Consequences and Meaning). Until recently, the birth trauma was considered to be the first and most important traumatic experience in our life. Thus, many therapeutic methods were designed to enable transformation of unwanted impressions we created during our birth. Rebirthing was probably the most popular of them all, but there were also many other systems that were able to do the same. Transformation of birth trauma can produce many positive effects on every aspect of our life, ranging from physical and emotional health to natural relation towards spirituality.

In search of original causes of human problems, some researchers went further, deep into the prenatal phase of development, and they have discovered that the fetus also goes through lot of different experiences in its contact with mother, and that those experiences influence significantly its physical and emotional health. Being in a kind of psychophysical symbiosis with the mother, the fetus intensively feels her physical and emotional states. An unborn baby feels its mother’s feelings and thoughts and creates certain reactions. In my article about The Basis of Human Motivation I spoke about the essential needs a child has and its reactions if those needs are not satisfied. Thus, a mother’s inner states, and all the events generally happening around her, will shape - sometimes dramatically – a child's perception of life. 

For example, if a child is not planned, conception may come as a shock for a mother. She may feel frightened, uncertain or indecisive. Sometimes she feels completely incapable of motherhood and thinks of abortion. Nevertheless, the Hawaiian Huna practice, (which seems to be one of the highest quality traditional family therapy systems), mentions certain rules when it comes to family dynamics. The first of those rules says – nobody dies. A conceived child, from that moment on, continues its existence as a part of the family, even if it dies later, even in case of abortion or miscarriage. It seems that consciousness exists from the moment of conception. Parents are usually not aware that a conceived child automatically becomes a part of their family and that it needs to be accepted and respected as such, and that it also deserves an adequate place within the family. Living in a physical symbiosis with the mother, a child forms an emotional one as well, together with all desirable and undesirable consequences of that symbiosis. From the moment of conception, the fetus continues its existence as a conscious being that thinks, feels and communicates with its immediate surroundings and lives through everything that happens around it. How do you think a fetus feels if the parents think about abortion? How does it feel when the pregnant and therefore hypersensitive mother goes through an emotional conflict with another family member? How does it feel when the mother has fears about giving birth or feels terrible pain during the process of giving birth?

While working on the causes of certain problems, prenatal experiences sometimes come out of our unconscious mind and turn out to be the root causes of the problem. Those events are treated as any other traumatic experience, although the emotional charge they carry is usually much bigger then the one we can find in most postnatal traumas or toxic bonds. In addition, limiting beliefs are much deeper and belong to a category of strong taboos. The nine months we spend in our mother’s uterus is a long period of time, filled with many different experiences, usually new and strange ones – both for mother and a child. These experiences represent basic impressions a child has – about its body, about interpersonal relationships, about itself as an individual and about life as such. Many of those impressions can strongly influence the direction of a child’s future life. These influences are so strong that we usually call them “destiny”, although destiny as an outer or mystical force has absolutely nothing to do with it – we choose our life’s direction according to our experiences and the decisions we make.

Among all the prenatal blueprints - physical, emotional, mental and spiritual programs stored in our unconscious mind – probably the strongest is the one that was made at the moment of our conception. The first cell that was created by the union of the father’s sperm and mother’s egg carries all the impressions that we have had during the moments of conception. The quality of emotional relationship between mother and father is extremely important here, but also the quality of their sexual relationship. All emotional states our parents go through during sexual intercourse are transferred into a “great central cell”, the very first cell that was created by the union of the sperm and the egg cells. If the parents were burdened with some unnatural beliefs about sexuality, then the future child carries very strong negative blueprint about its body, its personality or spirituality. This kind of conception is psychologically polluted with emotional states coming from one or both parents - usually with guilt, fear, shame, alienation or insecurity. Together with negative emotions, all written and unwritten rules that define the character of parent’s relationship are also imprinted into the “cellular memory” and form a basic blueprint that the child carries into its future existence. This blueprint can later be manifested through every aspect of human existence – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.

The reasons why our conception can be negatively burdened lies in the fact that sexuality is still a taboo in modern society, especially in the civilization built on the Judeo-Christian spiritual and cultural tradition (although, when it comes to sexuality, other great religions such as Buddhism, Muslim or Hinduism, in their mass aspect, are not much different). In their attempt to beat back promiscuity and other unnatural aspects of sexual life, great spiritual traditions have a tendency to proclaim all sexuality as sinful. This intention was accepted by the general public and is evident in politics, the media and mass culture. In a situation where modern media becomes obsessed with violence and bad news, Janet Jackson’s accidentally (or intentionally) exposed naked breast on television is treated as blasphemy. Sexuality is almost equaled with evil, but the reaction to that kind of perception is, of course, promiscuity as a kind of a public secret.

Nowadays it is absolutely “normal” to have a marriage where one or both partners satisfy their sexual needs outside marriage. Pornography is a “normal” thing and so is leading a double life, based on double morality that even some church functionaries cannot resist. It is also “totally normal” and socially acceptable to make movies in which the hero massacres his enemies, but our faces go red when we are seen naked, when we find our children watching love scenes on TV or ask indecent questions about their origin. Christianity, for example, considers only one type of sexual behavior acceptable – no sex. Sex is allowed only if you want to have a baby, but even that kind of sexuality is seen as sinful, even that kind of conception is realized through sin. Instead of regular sexual intercourse, Christianity has created a myth about “Immaculate Conception”, where a special child was conceived under the “Holy Spirit”, without any kind of physical contact. And, this kind of conception is impossible for common mortals - except for that special child, everybody else was, and will be, conceived through sin.

The possibility of Immaculate Conception, without sexual intercourse, can be accepted or rejected – this is definitely a matter of personal belief. What can be terribly wrong here is the influence this idea has on people who are taught to think that all sexuality is sinful. The idea where conception with sexual intercourse is sinful, and the one without sexual intercourse is not, can leave heavy marks on the sexual life of people who accept this idea, and also on the child that was conceived through their “sinful” act. These consequences can easily be seen in therapeutic interventions where the causes of guilt are being treated, or some problems that have guilt as a root emotion. It seems that the feelings of guilt and sin connected with sexuality have become a part of collective unconsciousness of western civilization and most people feel them, this way or another (consciously or unconsciously), while having sex.

Biologically speaking, there is nothing unnatural about sex and reproduction. If this were not the case, humans would probably be designed without sexual organs and sexual need. So, it seems that it is not the sexuality itself that is sinful, but the perception of it. Making love simply cannot be sinful if we do not see it as a sin. But, if we see it as sinful it will become a sin for us, and will have all the effects of acts done with a sense of guilt. The perception where sexuality is seen as sinful or dirty is the precise cause of all the negative effects sexual intercourse can possibly have. The dogma of sex as sin is a limiting belief, not the truth itself, and we have seen what dogmas produce – the opposite effects. We can even say that there is no better advertisement then taboo - it is a fact that alcohol was consumed the most during prohibition. The same thing goes with sexuality – modern society is obsessed with it because it has been repressed for so many centuries.

On the other hand, Christianity has contributed significantly to global spirituality with the idea of sacredness of conception (personally, I do not know about any other spiritual tradition whose greatest holyday celebrates the sacredness of conception and birth). The term “Immaculate Conception” originates from Christianity and belongs to the category of mystical beliefs. Therefore, it can be interpreted in many different ways. But, the Christian interpretation of that idea brings out a series of irrational beliefs that limit human behavior in a totally unrealistic way - the sacredness was reserved for only one person, the only acceptable form of creating a baby is Immaculate Conception (without physical intercourse), a conception with intercourse is a necessary evil (therefore sinful), and every other form of sexual intercourse is not acceptable, therefore sinful. Like many other traditional belief systems, the idea of Immaculate Conception has some truth in it, but it is much wiser to take this kind of interpretation as a metaphor.

So, if we look at those terms outside of the limits imposed by Christianity, what else could they mean? What kind of conception can be seen as optimal, healthy, clean or “immaculate”, and what would be polluted, “sinful” conception? Sinful conception can be the one achieved through sexual intercourse in which one or both partners feel guilty, consciously or unconsciously. If there is any kind of physical inhibition, the conception cannot be immaculate, even if there is love between partners. Besides guilt, conception may be polluted if done through some superficial or shallow relationship. Having “casual sex” with someone you are not emotionally connected, being high on alcohol, drugs, passion, or doing it in a perverse way cannot make the conception “immaculate”. In patriarchal civilization that has turned sex into taboo, inhibited sexuality often finds its outlet in unbalanced, “wild” sexuality. Most people have forgotten how to be themselves while making love – they think that sexuality is an outlet for their repressed energy, and not a sacred act. Patriarchal culture has also made a man and a woman unequal, so their sex life sometimes looks like a battlefield where one partner tries to dominate the other. Therefore, if there is no equality between partners, the conception is not going to be optimal.

If we go a step further and look at humans as spiritual beings, then even love and natural physical contact are not enough and cannot contribute to a conception that can be called “immaculate”. If the partners are not spiritually conscious, then the conception usually isn’t devoted, blessed with their awareness of the everlasting and omnipresent Spirit. The conception without spiritual awareness puts too much importance on the physical and psychological aspect of our existence, producing disharmony in our lives. Although we are physical beings and have a Soul, the Spirit cannot be neglected, if we want to be whole. Sometimes parents are believers, but if their faith is not based on Truth itself but a false interpretation, than this kind of “spirituality” can become a limiting element for a child.

The consequences of “sinful” conception can differ in form, but their common denominator is always guilt. A child takes over the sense of guilt and loses innocence, that is, disassociates an integral part of itself that feels completely innocent. In that way a child loses true freedom and spontaneity, and with it, some aspects of personal power and charisma. This kind of identity loss fetters human creativity so the child will not be able to express its creativity. By its original nature, sexual energy is a creative energy and sexual act is a creative act. Natural and emancipated sexuality is directly connected with emancipated creativity and it is precisely creative realization that plays the most important role in the fulfillment of our lives. Sometimes though, our creativity is cut off at its root with “sinful” conception. Although the only way to be fully free is to realize one’s own creative potential, with “sinful” conception we lose our true freedom and align ourselves into slaves. It is unnecessary to say who benefits from that.

Instead of underestimating the moment of conception, or mystifying it out of proportion, it seems that the way a child is conceived is extremely important. The amount and quality of energy, love, openness, understanding, acceptance or spirituality that accompanies the moment of conception will be seen in a future child. If the sexual intercourse is freed from the idea of its sinfulness and done in a positive and integral way – without physical inhibitions, filled with love and blessed with spiritual awareness, then the conception can be perceived as “immaculate”. Being conceived in that way, a child is enabled to keep contact with many important aspects and potentials of its Soul, the ones that are usually considered hidden, charismatic or belong to a category of special creative talents. At the same time, a child does not loose its innocence and has a privilege of staying connected with the Spirit. Guilt is the prime reason why humans lose the connection with something that truly belongs to them – with Spirit or God. A collective or individual sense of guilt is the cause of our disconnectedness from the absolute. We can deal relatively easily with the individual aspect of guilt, but the collective one is much stronger then most people expect. The so-called “original sin” has burdened the human collective unconsciousness for thousands of years. Even if we overcome it for ourselves, it is not easy to live in a society that is still burdened with it. And that contemporary society is burdened with guilt can be seen in a fact that humans use just a small part of their brains – usually only five to ten percent (although if we soberly look at our global situation, even five percent is too much for the amount of madness that is going on). There are lots of different reasons for this kind of disconnection, but guilt is the first and the most important one, it is the main reason why we disconnect our creative potential. In order to survive as a part of community – be it a family or a society in general – a child shapes its personality according to the rules that govern the community it enters. Since we live in a society that is everything but healthy, it is only natural that we turn ourselves into zombies right from the very start of our existence.

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It seems that it is possible to make the conception immaculate, even for so-called common people. And, according to my therapeutic practice, it is also possible to transform the undesirable aspects of our conception into desirable – to turn the “sinful” conception into “immaculate”. This can be achieved in different ways  - through individual treatments, but and also through the course called Cellular Reprogramming. Since transformation of conception belongs to the category of advanced changework, beginners can achieve it after some work on their basic life goals. During the process of conception reprogramming, all negative imprints and impressions imprinted in the “great central cell” are dissolved and all toxic bonds transformed into healthy connections.  Then we can reintegrate our lost identity and perform an initiation into “immaculate conception”. The consequences of this process can differ in form, but they are regularly followed by the necessity of taking more responsibility and introducing more discipline into our lifestyle. The sacredness of conception can be achieved subsequently and practice has shown that it is probably one of the deepest personal and spiritual experiences we can ever have.


©Tomislav Budak, May 2004.